The trouble with words…

Don’t get me wrong, I am a LOVER of words. There is nothing better in the world than having a glass (or bottle) of wine and hours of conversation; a good, well written story; and (my personal favourite) I fall instantly in love with anyone who takes the time and effort to write a long (personally meaningful) message in a card or better still write me a letter. I am as long winded as they come. In fact I will find as many words possible to explain something, rather than be short and to the point. I like the romance in words rather than the practicality. The escapism, rather than the instruction. The actual, rather than the literal meaning. I often engage my mouth before my brain and say the first thing that pops into my head (..and the second and the third…) but therein lies the problem. Words are dangerous. They can be misinterpreted. Used against you. Once out you can never take back something you said/ or worse still wrote (evidence!) despite whether u meant it or not. They can be exaggerated in the heat of the moment. Used as a weapon (of defence or attack). Directed by emotion. Thoughtless. Careless. They hold different meanings for different people. People will invariably hear what they want – and in the same way they look for evidence in your behaviour to support what they already think about you, they will do the same as they listen to u talk. Words are also used to confirm what you already think about yourself – good or bad – you will only hear what you want to and which serves your best interest at that time. People will say/ write what they want in order to represent themselves in the best light/ the most appropriate way for what it is they are trying to portray. Words can be used to manipulate and deceive. They can reveal all or nothing. And most of us know, it’s quite often what’s not said that holds the most important information, rather than what is said. Quite often the words we struggle to say are more likely to be truer than those which come easily out of our mouths. And then we have to question to what degree the words that come out our mouths are even our own? We are bombarded with opinions and labels from birth. First from our parents (he/ she’s the sensible one / the adventurous one), our friends, our teachers and bosses, society, politicians. How do we know how much of what comes out of our mouths is our own opinions, or whether the label we use to describe ourselves is a true reflection of our authentic selves or just an ‘other fulfilling prophecy’. Words are damming. Their effects sometimes impossible to escape. A constant battle against a popular label placed upon you by friends or family. An old ill-fitting label you gave yourself ages ago you carry around and which tars every new person’s opinion of you. Some past ill chosen words which lie just beneath the surface of relationships/ friendships threatening one day to ruin their foundations. Words can be magical and powerful, weak and destructive. They should be taken in context of both situation and person. There’s nothing wrong with a little self analysis, or opinionated chatter, as long as you don’t forget the golden rule. Don’t always take a person’s words at face value. Listen to the silence. Pay close attention to the actions which accompany those words. Look for the what's beneath their words (i.e pain, joy) and think about how this might affect what they say or how they respond. And most importantly listen well. Very few people ever really take the time to listen. Don’t hear what u want to, clear your mind and listen without judgement or expectation. Then you might actually hear what that person is trying to say.